I picked up a book that had been sitting on our bookcase for quite sometime. It's called "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman. I laughed at the title as I started flipping through the pages. It didn't take long for me to discover that this book was different. This guy was being completely honest about marriage! Who does that? Over the next few weeks I'm going to share some insights and truths that I learned from the book and have already begun to put into practice. It works! I'm definitely promoting this book, and it's a must read for every man who is married, newly wed or old timer. The principles in this book have the potential to save any marriage no matter the damage that has been done and to breathe new life and passion into your relationship right now. Trust me.
The foundation...
The desire for romantic love is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. Almost every popular magazine has at least one article each issue on keeping love alive in marriage. TV, talk shows, radio, etc. Keeping love alive in marriage is serious business. With all the books, magazines, and marriage seminars, how is that so few couples seem to have found the secret to keeping love alive after the wedding? Not to say those things aren't helpful, but the fundamental truth we have all overlooked is that people speak different love languages. Mr Chapman's conclusion after 20 years of counseling is that there are FIVE basic languages that either the male or female respond to. Five ways that people speak and respond to emotional love. I'll glaze over each of these the next few weeks without giving away the meat and potatoes of the book.
The desire for romantic love is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. Almost every popular magazine has at least one article each issue on keeping love alive in marriage. TV, talk shows, radio, etc. Keeping love alive in marriage is serious business. With all the books, magazines, and marriage seminars, how is that so few couples seem to have found the secret to keeping love alive after the wedding? Not to say those things aren't helpful, but the fundamental truth we have all overlooked is that people speak different love languages. Mr Chapman's conclusion after 20 years of counseling is that there are FIVE basic languages that either the male or female respond to. Five ways that people speak and respond to emotional love. I'll glaze over each of these the next few weeks without giving away the meat and potatoes of the book.
The most shocking realization I made was that most couples fall out of love shortly after the wedding and in fact can even fall out of love before the wedding. This is because of our high natural emotions that go haywire when we initially fall in love. In fact, as the counselor puts it, this stage should not even be called love. It's a euphoric high that we eventually come down from sooner rather than later. The longest period of the "In Love Euphoria" can last up to two years. As we begin to come down from the high, we realize that we're two individuals with dreams, hopes, and plans, and we gradually start gravitating back towards our individual self. The real work begins once we come down from the high and if done properly our marriage can be full of passion and happiness. More so than the original "In Love Euphoria", because there's also a deep emotional bond.
The negative feelings we have at times towards our spouses are actually pretty natural. The reason is because we aren't being loved ourselves. You may say that I'm way off point here but it's actually true. When we're loved we give love back, that's the way it works. Another piece of wisdom I learned, is that love is a choice, we choose to love. That means doing things we really don't feel like doing. On the flip side, it soon becomes natural and the payoff incredible. Finally, we actually begin to enjoy doing those things that make our spouses feel loved. The languages and techniques in the book are not difficult to apply. Once you learn the love language of your spouse and she learns yours, it's all downhill afterwards. Your eyes are going to be opened and more than likely you'll slap yourself in the face for not seeing this yourself, I promise.
The negative feelings we have at times towards our spouses are actually pretty natural. The reason is because we aren't being loved ourselves. You may say that I'm way off point here but it's actually true. When we're loved we give love back, that's the way it works. Another piece of wisdom I learned, is that love is a choice, we choose to love. That means doing things we really don't feel like doing. On the flip side, it soon becomes natural and the payoff incredible. Finally, we actually begin to enjoy doing those things that make our spouses feel loved. The languages and techniques in the book are not difficult to apply. Once you learn the love language of your spouse and she learns yours, it's all downhill afterwards. Your eyes are going to be opened and more than likely you'll slap yourself in the face for not seeing this yourself, I promise.
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Dr. Gary Chapman seeks to fulfill his call to the ministry as a pastor, speaker, and author. He speaks extensively throughout the U.S. and internationally on marriage, family, and relationships. http://www.garychapman.org/ |
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